


Promise

by ThymeSprite



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 19:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3459710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThymeSprite/pseuds/ThymeSprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders finds himself at Fenris' doorstep in the middle of the night, not really sure why.<br/>But when he enters the mansion, he finds himself compelled to stay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [magicdrusilla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicdrusilla/gifts).



“What in blazes am I doing here anyway?”, Anders muttered under his breath and dived his hands deeper into the pockets of his black coat to keep them warm in the cold night in Kirkwall’s winter. Here, high up in Hightown, he felt the icy bite of the chilly winds more than he would have done down in Darktown and his teeth were already clattering, but at the same time, he enjoyed the cold breeze.

So he waited outside the mansion in front of which he stood and tried to talk himself into the stupid lie that he just wanted to enjoy the fresh air a little longer.

What nonsense. He would have gritted his teeth, but all they did was clatter and so he shook his head in anger and turned around.

“Stupid idea.”, he scolded himself, “Stupid Anders.”

His steps were quick and harsh as he left for Darktown…but he stopped not even ten paces away from the mansion, he had not even reached the blighted stairs that would bring him to the Chantry. Anders’ breath escaped his mouth in a white puff and he closed his eyes in capitulation.

“I’m an idiot.”, he mumbled and turned around to the mansion yet again, “I’m such a bloody idiot…”

As he reached the door, he did not even bother to knock because he knew that he would not get any response to that, he had come here alongside Hawke often enough to know this. With a small grin, Anders tried to imagine what his friend would say if ever learnt of what he just did. Hawke would probably be mad at him…and then laugh himself to tears.

Anders grinned, fully aware that even one second of carelessness could be enough to get him killed in this mansion and so he grew serious again, closed the door as quietly as possible and listened closely. There was only one room where he could be anyway…

As he heard the crackling of fire, Anders knew that he was indeed in this one room, probably sitting at the fireplace, brooding as always. Moreover, the crackling gave a quiet promise of a warm and toasty fire, so he had more than one reason to climb the stairs. In the dark, he hit his foot hard on debris and hissed in pain, mumbling curses on the mansion’s indweller. He half expected him to come charging at him from this one lit and warm room, furious and going for the kill, but nothing happened. Was he even there?

“Fenris?”, he asked quietly, but alas, he was so not surprised as nothing answered to his question, nothing but silence and a crackling fire. So he repeated, his voice a bit louder this time: “Fenris, are you there?”

Silence. Anders sighed deeply and asked himself what he had expected anyway. Silence was better than a fist in his chest.

About to turn around yet again, he stood still at the top of the stairs, but then violently shook his head and continued to the room Fenris would be sitting in. When Anders reached the open door, he saw the elf sitting there, right in front of the fireplace as expected. He had not, however, expected the two bottles of wine right next to him on the floor, one already empty, the other half way. He sure hoped he had not drunk all this in just this one evening…even if he had to forget.

“Fenris.”, he began anew, but the elf ordered: “Leave.”

His voice was harsh, even though his speech was already slurred from his intoxication. Again Anders sighed, but then he objected: “I would rather stay just a bit. I want to make sure that you are…alright.”

As soon as he had spoken those words, he bit his tongue for that unbelievable stupidity. How could he be alright after what had just happened?

Slowly, ever so slowly, Fenris turned merely his head to him and as the glare of out those greenest eyes hit Anders, he gulped involuntarily. Fenris’ eyes were filled with anger and hatred, but he nevertheless just had to admire how the warm glow danced on his skin and the Lyrium markings. Anders mentally chastised himself for that thought and unmistakably knew that he had been far too lonely for far too long if he thought that way about Fenris…repeatedly.

“Alright?”, the elf growled lowly, a sound that vibrated through Anders’ bones and clenched his heart with sympathy and fear, but also lust.

“Did you really ask me whether I was alright?”, Fenris repeated and Anders bit his tongue, but he nodded as he said, “I did. And I want to know, although putting it that way was stupid, I have to adm…”

“Indeed it was.”, Fenris snarled, his voice now sharp and full of rage as he slowly got up. Anders could see how the warrior, usually sure-footed in every situation, almost tripped over his own feet, but nevertheless did he come to him, his face twisted with rage and the Lyrium on his body already beginning to glow.

“Why are you here?”, Fenris asked with a growl and Anders backed away, but when he felt the wall against his back, he answered although he was not sure of his own words, “To check on you. I am a healer after all and I wanted to see whether you needed my healing magic to…”

“I do not need your magic!”, Fenris spat, “Never! And I do not wish for it. Leave.”

Again Anders sighed and shook his head, mumbling: “You know, I don’t even know anymore why I came to you. I should’ve known that you’re not able to move on.”

With these words, he turned away, but Fenris snarled: “What?”

Anders gave him a challenging gaze, eyed him all up and then explained: “This is your chance, Fenris. You are free, finally free. Hadriana is dead, Danarius is dead. You are a free man.”

“This freedom tastes like ashes!”, Fenris barked at him and Anders shrugged as he replied without a thought, “Only if you don’t know how to season it properly.”

Fenris shot him a deadly glare and Anders put his hands up in defence to explain: “Freedom is just an open door, Fenris. You have to walk through it on your own. And somehow, I thought that maybe, just maybe, you’d be strong enough, that Hawke had been able to teach you at least some things along the way. Turns out I was wrong, apparently.”

Anders gave him one last look, shook his head again and then turned to leave.

Alas, he did not come very far. All of a sudden and much quicker than he had thought, especially since he was obviously drunk, Fenris grabbed his shoulders and shoved him against the wall in his back. Panting, the elf stared at him and Anders could smell the wine in his breath as he growled: “You do not know anything about me.”

“You really think so?”, he asked without a thought and Fenris’ eyes narrowed at these words, but although he knew that it could get him killed, Anders continued. What did it matter whether he lived or not?

“Because I think that I know quite something about you by now.”, he flatly said, “And that you don’t know yourself.”

Fenris’ grip on his shoulders tightened and was already becoming painful, so Anders hissed, but he did not fight the elf. What for? Instead, he mumbled: “I can’t even blame you now that I have seen Danarius this evening. He told you that you were nothing more than a dog so often that you believed it.”

“You did the same.”, Fenris whispered full of rage and Anders tried to shrug, but could not in his firm grip, as he answered: “Because I only saw a rabid dog as you were nothing more. But now…”

His words ended in a cry of pain as Fenris’ Lyrium markings flashed to their bright glow, the magical energy almost burning Anders’ skin. At the same time, Justice fought for control, wanted to rip the elf apart, but Anders managed to keep the friend at bay, telling him that for all they had planned with the Chantry, they deserved the pain.

When the pain slowly dulled down enough so he could think again and Justice was quiet as well, Anders panted heavily and looked Fenris in the eye as he spoke through gritted teeth: “You were a dog…but you are…aren’t anymore.”

As quickly as the pain had hit him, it left him again and only a dull, throbbing pain remained in his shoulders, right there were Fenris had touched him, grabbed his body so forcefully that Anders was sure he would be black and blue tomorrow. And he would not heal these bruises for he deserved them.

“W-what?”, Fenris asked, his voice hoarse and trembling, so Anders looked at him…and froze. Never ever had he seen the elf this lost and lonely…as alone as he felt himself.

The Lyrium fluttered lightly until its glow faded and Anders uncomfortably rolled his shoulders before he told Fenris: “You acted like a dog because that bastard talked you into being one. But now…you are free. Make use of your freedom and stop doing what he told you to, be…yourself. I know you have to find out who you are, but it’ll be worth it.”

Fenris stared at him wide-eyed, blinked a few times, but did not say anything. So Anders gave him a crooked smile and turned to leave. Another night alone in Darktown, trying to lie to himself that blowing up the Chantry was not only necessary, but also the right thing to do. He just hoped that his words could bring Fenris on the right path, a path to happiness he himself had left long ago…

“Do you know?”, the elf’s quiet and hoarse voice stopped him and Anders froze from the pain in it. Slowly, he turned around and looked at Fenris, who then asked: “Do you know who you are?”

He laughed joylessly and then countered: “Do I look like I did to you?”

Ever so slowly, so slowly that Anders almost did not see it, a small smile crept onto Fenris’ lips. He had never seen him smile, least of all at him.

Their eyes met and for a moment, they stared at each other, but then Fenris’ smile fell and he looked into the flames again, pain in his eyes. Without a thought, Anders went to him, stood right next to the elf and watched him closely, although he really did not know why on earth he did that.

With an almost silent sigh, Fenris closed his eyes and whispered harshly: “I am so sick of it.”

Anders jerked at these words, but did not say anything, instead he waited for Fenris to continue, but as he did, Anders did not believe his ears: “What I am about to tell you has to remain a secret. Can you promise me this?”

Anders was dumbstruck. His mouth agape he blinked at Fenris, who growled and glared at him, the Lyrium flickering again as he angrily repeated: „Can you promise this much?“

“Yes.”, Anders stuttered, not knowing why he made this vow or why Fenris demanded it of him. The elf’s gaze went to the flames again and lingered there as he whispered: “I am sick of being alone. I have been for years because I had to, I could not allow anyone near when there was always the possibility that Danarius would find us…”

His voice quivered as he spoke and Anders felt his heart bleed for the elf. Curious, but true.

“And now… yes, I am free, he is dead, but…I have been alone for so long, in his service and during my flight that…I do not even know anymore what it feels like to be close to someone. Maybe I never knew.”, Fenris confessed quietly and then, his eyes closed he whispered, “I am alone.”

Anders gulped and was absolutely unsure what to do. Not even before his Harrowing had he been that nervous as he was now, licking his lips before he slowly suggested: “Well…you will have to learn how to be close to someone, but the good thing is you can learn it. No one is there to stop you.”

Unlike him, a mage…and an abomination in Fenris‘ eyes.

“And…how?”, the elf asked a question Anders was not prepared for, so he stuttered a bit helplessly, “Um, well. Didn’t Isabela show any interest?”

That was an understatement and he knew it. The pirate had openly undressed Fenris with her longing gazes.

Fenris scoffed and told him: “She did, but this interest is not mutual.”

Anders remained silent, but he had to admit that questions were flying through his mind. True, Isabela was not exactly the kind of girl he would have liked to introduce to his mother, but for a few nights…

“All she wants is a fling.”, Fenris spoke through gritted teeth as if it was a bad thing. Anders shrugged and asked: “So?”

A deathly glare hit him that quickly turned into those sad puppy eyes of Fenris’ as he explained, “I do not want merely a fling. I want…I…”

“Love.”, Anders suggested, “You want someone close, someone you can trust.”

Fenris trembled and with closed eyes he whispered: „Yes…“

This one word made Anders‘ heart race and his knees wobbly, for it was exactly what he had wished for the last years…and he had never gotten anything even remotely like what he wished for.

Without any thought the words slipped out of his mouth before he could have even tried to stop them: “You can trust me.”

As soon as he had spoken them, he bit his tongue, though.

Fenris’ head shot up to him and as their eyes met, he saw disbelief and shock in the elf’s wide eyes. Every moment now Anders reckoned with being pushed to the wall and choked to death, so as he was not able to take his words back, he just went through with all he had to say: “I promised to keep your secret, so…everything that happens in this room tonight will stay there. It can be… our secret. If you want to.”

Fenris’ eyes narrowed and Anders was convinced that he would soon rip his heart out…but what did it matter?

Nothing. So he took a deep breath and raised his hand to touch the elf’s shoulder. He watched him, but did not react, not in the slightest, so Anders gently put his hand onto Fenris’ shoulder, felt the warm skin under the thin shirt. As he did neither back away nor attack him, Anders took a small step towards Fenris and, as he was still just standing there, his eyes wide in disbelief, he raised his other hand as well and carefully touched the elf’s cheek.

To his utter surprise, he did not back away, did not choke him…but instead, Fenris’ eyes fluttered shut and a quiet sigh escaped his lips.

Helplessly, Anders pulled him a bit closer and as Fenris allowed this to happen he leaned down to the elf, so close that he could smell how his own scent and the sweet taste of wine mingled in his breath.

As he leaned closer still, Fenris stiffened and held him at distance, although he was not even an arm’s reach away from him.

“Promise me.”, Fenris asked him in a hushed whisper, trembling and his eyes still closed as he put his hands at Anders’ waist and dug his fingers into the coat’s fabric, “Promise me that this will be secret.”

“As long as you want it to be.”, Anders replied as he leant closer yet again and he whispered sincerely, “I promise.”

Fenris sighed and came closer himself.

He had made a vow, but Anders knew that it was in vain. Soon, he would die, if not from Hawke’s hand for his destruction of the Chantry, then from Meredith’s or, if all else failed, from his own. Then this would be Fenris’ secret alone.

All he still hoped for was that it would give them both a little happiness as Anders’ lips touched his.


End file.
